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This commodity is allotment of TPM Cafe, TPM’s home for assessment and account analysis. 

For a declared billionaire, Donald Trump abiding spends a lot of time allurement me for money.

For the accomplished three-plus years, his re-election attack has affected my activity as no admiral anytime before, canoeing for banknote by email at atomic four and as abounding as eight times a day, six or seven canicule a anniversary (doubled, in my case, aback the emails arise to two altered addresses). And they’re not aloof allurement for cash, they’re ambitious it, in the best Trump-like ways. It is my burden, but I assert on administration it with you now.

Politicians and adopted admiral of all stripes generally accept no best but to go arcade for dollars on bandage and, behindhand of party, they do it with alarming, truth-deficient gusto. But the Trump attack has set a new accustomed for presidential hucksterism. These emails accommodate an absolute worldview: the distilled aspect of the Trump fake-news narrative, as John Barron himself ability acquaint it, laid out with aching accuracy and mind-numbing constancy.

Frankly, I can’t see the faculty in putting the blow on me 50 times a week. I’m a connected registered Democrat, for one thing. And — you could ask anyone — not a Trump fan. It’s accessible the campaign’s punking me, I suppose, but, added likely, it’s my own accursed fault.

You see, aback in 2017, I deigned to acknowledgment a analysis from the campaign, which asked, added or less, “How’m I doing?”

The choices were “Great,” “Very Good,” “Good” or “Other.” Selecting “Other,” I explained in the provided argument box that the President’s achievement had been “Not So Good.” So abundant so, I opined, that he stood an accomplished adventitious of activity bottomward in history as the affliction American admiral ever.

That affliction to bandy them off the scent, I chuckled to myself. But I was wrong. The battery — emails and the casual robocall — never ended.

After a while, I began account added closely. The campaign’s adamant arcane assault, it emerged, is at already alarming and amusing. Abounding with self-celebratory paeans to Himself, about at austere allowance with reality, they are at the aforementioned time clearly chicken and awash with annoying canard tailored to accomplish abuse amid the low-dollar donors who Trump emails alarm Patriots with a basic “P.” While affluent donors are arrive to adorned $580,600 a bowl dinners in mansions, we hoi-polloi are brash to a accounting apprehension of a backward night televangelist’s infomercial, with none of the artlessness added added paranoia and calumniating acerbity befuddled in as a bonus. Can a Admiral alike allocution like that? I acquisition myself wondering. Yes, apparently, he can. Over and over and over again.

With time, I’ve noticed alternating patterns in the Trump pitches. Not because I’m so clever, but added because they are generally exact identical to ones accustomed beforehand in the re-election drive.

These include:

On June 17, this news-distorting cannonball apropos the President’s appointed Tulsa assemblage accustomed in my inbox:

“First, they abutment tens of bags of ANTIFA THUGS DESTROYING our communities.

And now, they try to COVID-SHAME us for captivation rallies at alone a atom of the people?

I DON’T THINK SO.

From there, the angle apace segues to appoint one of the best acute elements of Trump’s cerebral address to his base, their own insecurities and faculty of afflicted victimhood, which they allotment with him:

The Liberals accept ALWAYS been aggravating to booty me down, and added importantly, they’ve been aggravating to booty YOU down, Jamie.

They abhorrence me. They abhorrence you. They abhorrence rallies and it’s all because they abhorrence the abstraction of MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

And afresh on to the pitch, with de rigeur approximate deadline:

We are center through the ages and now the Larboard has approved to SILENCE US, I appetite to accomplish a account SO LOUD that alike the Fake Account media won’t be able to avoid us.

How will he do that? By adopting added money by an FEC advertisement borderline than the libs expect, alarming their minds, and added enabled by the adroit abracadabra of Trump’s signature move, the Dubious Grand Flourish, in this case able abstruse analogous funds somehow accessible to him to accumulate aborigine donations. Which is area my acclaim agenda was declared to arise in. But didn’t.

Many a address from the attack bliss off with an accession of the accurate analysis that’s articular me as the awful qualified, advantageous accession to accept this absurd offer.

For aloof about every one of the aftermost 1,305 days, I’ve been arrive on the agreeable base of my allegedly categorical Trump-supporting bona fides to bustle up and donate. The continued account of invitations I’ve accustomed (many of which are afresh 3 or 4 times in a aeon alone to acknowledgment afterwards for added repetition) accommodate not aloof the befalling to become an official Trump Executive Member, but additionally to acquire my atom as an Official 2020 Trump Presidential Founder, a allotment affiliate of the 2020 Presidential Task Force, the 2020 Trump Presidential Advisors and ascent to Trump Activity Affiliate status. I’ve been offered a adventitious to abutment the Trump Assemblage Defense Armamentarium — “they don’t appetite me to accept my rally” (and for acceptable reason) — and to defended my abode on the Trump Official Donor List.

I’ve additionally been asked to accompany the Trump 100 Club (the best absolute 100 donors, you see, with alone nine spots left), to assurance the Angle With Trump Initiative, to armamentarium the Trump Ad Blitz fund, and abode my name on the Trump Donor Wall.

Then there are the surveys I’m consistently actuality implored to answer: The Official Mainstream Media Accountability Survey, Official 2020 Attack Strategy Survey, Official Trump vs. Democrats Survey, Official 2020 Census Survey, Official Unlawful Spying Survey, and so on and so alternating (there are dozens). Aside from trousering my cash, a accessory purpose abaft such invites seems to be to abutting and arrange the backward address of the absolute apple with Facts a la Trump.

In anniversary case, I am advised, the Admiral is cat-and-mouse on tenterhooks for my response. But if I don’t accelerate cash, my affairs vaporize. Until abutting time.

On the ablaze side, responding to the surveys is never laborious. The bemused MAGA Assemblage Prep Analysis I got aftermost anniversary put but one catechism in to me in its capital body: “Do You Believe Admiral Trump is able to advance the greatest improvement in American history?” Answers: Yes or No.

“No,” I answered, and was promptly thanked and offered a adventitious to accord money to the campaign.

As Donald Trump, Jr., warned on account of the attack in his best inferior bandit appearance the added morning while soliciting a advertisement beneath the afflicted heading, “My Ancestor Needs You,” “You’ve been such a key allotment of our success over the aftermost few years, and I’d abhorrence to see your absurd abutment go unrecognized.”

That would be a shame, for sure. Meanwhile, the sad accuracy of it is, belletrist from Trump ancestors assembly — Donald, Jr. and Eric, Eric’s wife Lara, actual occasionally Melania, but never Ivanka or Tiffany — arise in my inbox far added frequently than those from my own family. The fundraising themes, admitting not absolutely antithetical from those of my kin, are alike added consternated and urgent. Occasionally Mike Pence and Mother bell in. Newt Gingrich has been accustomed to about-face up as well. Liberated by the chargeless appearance appearance and next-level absoluteness baloney of the Trump brand, Gingrich, the adept confabulator, absolutely gets to advance the alfresco bend of the arid envelope of his own absurdity.

There may accept been no quid pro quo approved from the Ukrainian president, but back you are asked to accord article to Trump, his attack expects that you appetite them to action you article in return. Yet, it turns out, article is not absolutely something, but rather a adventitious to win something. And, if we are to be honest, the allowance are miserable.

Ofttimes, they allure me to access a challenge to go about to adhere with the President, which alas can alone be accomplished by altruistic some money for a chance. On June 15, I got from the Admiral himself:

I accept a HUGE advertisement that I’m alone administration with my TOP supporters.

We will be adulatory the 2020 Republican National Assemblage in the abundant Accompaniment of Florida and I’ve requested that YOU be there with me as my appropriate VIP guest.…

Please accord ANY AMOUNT TODAY to win this once-in-a-lifetime befalling to arise bless the 2020 Republican National Assemblage as my VIP Guest. >>

The adventitious to accommodated the abundant man is sometimes predicated on installing the Trump App, and (as always) my access requires that I accord for a adventitious to accomplish this dream arise true. Even admitting the tickler I accustomed said I’d accept to use the Trump App to acquire credibility to compete, this address and accession two weeks afterwards upped the stakes to a “guaranteed” befalling to accommodated him if I downloaded it, admitting if we are to be legalistic, a affirmed befalling to accommodated is not the aforementioned as a affirmed meeting.

Two weeks later, I’ve still bootless to download the app, but a new, superheated address ups the stakes.

This is a GUARANTEED befalling to accommodated your admired Admiral and all you accept to do is download and use the Official Trump 2020 App. Back you accommodated Admiral Trump, you’ll alike get to booty a account calm so that you can admire the moment forever.

We’re sending the Admiral a account of anybody who downloads the app today. If you act aural the NEXT HOUR, we’ll accomplish abiding your name is at the TOP of the account he sees.

Since no money was involved, I downloaded the Trump App in the spirit of accurate analysis and a awning popped up that said:

YOU’VE BEEN SELECTED!

Since you’ve accurate your [sic] a loyal adherent and active up to download the Official Trump 2020 App, Admiral Trump has accustomed a TRIPLE-MATCH on your abutting contribution.

This action is alone accessible for the NEXT HOUR, so you charge to act fast.

Please accord ANY AMOUNT in the NEXT HOUR and your allowance will be TRIPLE-MATCHED!

But it angry out I couldn’t absolutely use the app, afterwards coughing up some dough. Venturing added in, a assembly of accomplished book explained that by application the app (following my donation) I was entering into a accurately bounden acceding with Trump, his attack and the RNC, and that I waived my appropriate to a board trial, participate in chic accomplishments and that the affairs will abolish on October 30, afore the election, with no amount awarded to the credibility I’d collect, which are non-transferable. The attack additionally affluence the appropriate to “amend, modify, supplement or abolish the program” and its agreement at its sole discretion. Score! Wait. No chic accomplishments or board trials? What do they apperceive about their armamentarium adopting that we don’t know?

Meanwhile, now that the Florida assemblage has been cancelled, what are the affairs that those who donated will get to accommodated the President? Will they be entered into the abutting contest, gratis? My aboriginal assumption would be no. Arise to anticipate of it, so would my second.

Everything at TrumpVictory.com is a contest. And unsurprisingly, gold is a aloft affair of all Trump correspondence. Hence, the aboriginal action to vote to advice baddest the architecture for the already-mentioned official Trump Gold Card, which came in on March 6. Its exact account was adamantine to quantify, however, as it claimed to action holders bearding privileges that arise from actuality “the best important accumulation of donors in re-electing Admiral Trump.” So why a contest?

Originally we were planning on absolution aloof one design, but back Admiral Trump saw the cards on his desk, he said, ‘Why would you ask me? Let the American Bodies adjudge – they ALWAYS apperceive best!’

Fortunately, by March 7, they had baddest the aboriginal bristles choices bottomward to three afterwards my help. They afresh asked me to bell in again.

President Trump absolutely ethics your ascribe and has fabricated it bright that he wants YOU to comedy an important role in our attack as we arch into November.

Americans from all beyond the Nation will proudly backpack these assembly cards as a assurance of their abiding abutment for OUR President, and Admiral Trump is dupe YOU to baddest the best one.”

So now it’s up to you, Jamie. What do you think? We’re alone counting responses until 11:59 PM TONIGHT.

We’re sending the Admiral the after-effects aboriginal affair TOMORROW morning, and we apperceive he’s activity to ask which one you voted for. Don’t let him down.

On March 8, I still hadn’t casting my vote but the attack had narrowed it bottomward to two choices.

President Trump asked us to ability out to a few of his TOP supporters, like Jamie from New York, to vote on which of the Assembly Agenda designs you like the best.

A vote from me was afresh not accessible (the cards seemed to me to be steeped in Nazi iconography) but on March 11, Mr. Trump himself wrote in a accompaniment of aerial acclaim to advertise the final results:

Jamie,

You voted and my aggregation listened.

I told my aggregation to let accustomed American Patriots, like YOU, aces the architecture of our BRAND NEW Gold Card, and I couldn’t be happier with the result. In fact, you best the exact aforementioned agenda I did – I knew you wouldn’t let me down.

After accepting over 500,000 votes, I am appreciative to present you with the admirable Gold Agenda that was voted the WINNER by YOU:

Official 2020 Trump Gold Agenda Assembly from all about the Nation will be THE MOST important accumulation of supporters back it comes to our re-election efforts, and I absolutely appetite YOU to be a allotment of it.

To join, all you accept to do is accord $35 and you’ll automatically become an Official 2020 TrumpGold Agenda Affiliate and accept your PERSONALIZED Gold Card.

Please accord $35 or added by 11:59 PM TONIGHT to actuate your assembly and we’ll accelerate you your PERSONALIZED Gold Card. >>

Actually, I hadn’t voted. And as I wrote this piece, offers started alive in for the Trump Platinum Card, alpha with the aforementioned challenge to aces a agenda design. Already again, I was accustomed for allotment the winner, alike admitting I didn’t vote.

On June 7, Admiral Trump wrote “I Appetite to Accommodated You,” agreeable me to pay to access a challenge for me and a bedfellow to accommodated him at an upcoming, still-to-be-announced rally, with flight, commons and “a actual nice abode to stay” included.

This is but one of dozens of altered offers I’ve accustomed from the Admiral allurement me to angle over for a adventitious to win banquet and accept my account taken with our Administrator in Chief. Not alone couldn’t I win, (I didn’t accord him money, duh,) but seems accessible that cipher did. Autograph about these apparition dinners with the President, in Popular Information aftermost November, Judd Legum empiric that the Trump attack has never already called or acquaint a account of a champ in what had already been fifteen competitions to win a presidential dinner.

Which put Trump’s animadversion of June 10 — “This is the greatest allotment about actuality your President. I adulation accepting to accommodated the bodies who absolutely are the affection and body of our admirable Nation. You are my action to accumulate angry for four added years!” — into a potentially advancing perspective. Could my “favorite president” be beneath than forthright?

Based on the campaign’s accord with me, the Admiral is a aerial flower, calmly aching and in charge of connected reassurance, which abundantly comports with what we apperceive about the offline personality of a man who, in accession to all his added admirable qualities, additionally turns out to be all-seeing and impossibly detail oriented.

So anxious are abutting ancestors assembly and assembly about befitting the president’s affection up, they generally address on his behalf.

Donald Trump, Jr., for example:

My ancestor asked me to ability out because he noticed that your name was MISSING from the account of supporters whose names will be broadcast LIVE during tonight’s Accompaniment of the Union Address.

Do you not angle with my father?

Trump himself is not aloft accepting in my grille for not allowance acclamation him up with a banknote donation, autograph four times — May 23, 24, 26, and June 1, with about the identical message. His May 23 epistle is headlined, “I’m Offended”:

Why haven’t you accustomed your allurement to become an Official 2020 Trump Activity Member?

Trump Activity Members are activity to be the aspect of my 2020 campaign, and I am activity to be aptitude on this accumulation to comedy a acute role over the abutting few months.

Another way to accomplish Admiral Trump feel bigger is to assurance his altogether card. Birthdays are talismanic in a Rosebud array of way for Trump and his ancestors insists I charge to apperceive this and do article about it, pronto.

June 13, Lara Trump writes, alveolate beforehand cards from her husband, Eric Trump, Donald Trump., Jr.:

Jamie,

President Trump’s altogether is tomorrow.

We consistently accord him a altogether agenda abounding with belletrist from Patriots about the Country, but this year we appetite to go alike bigger. We appetite to abruptness him with 2 MILLION signatures and accomplish it our bigger agenda yet.

Hearing from Affectionate Americans like you is Admiral Trump’s FAVORITE allotment of his job, and I don’t appetite him to be disappointed. It would beggarly a lot to him if you could booty 30 abnormal to add your name to his ONLY Official Altogether Card.

Please add your name NOW to the President’s ONLY Official Altogether Agenda and leave a appropriate agenda for him. >>

President Trump will be aghast if he doesn’t see YOUR name on the account of Patriots who active his ONLY Official Altogether Card, and I apperceive you don’t appetite to let him down.

The afterward day, June 14, 2020, at 10:08 a.m., the attack itself checks in with account of “The President’s Birthday.” Don’t acquaint him we’re affable up a card:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP!

Jamie,

Today is Admiral Trump’s altogether and, with your help, we appetite to abruptness him by accepting our BIGGEST fundraising day EVER!

We charge to accession $10 MILLION in ONE DAY to set a new circadian record.

You’ve consistently been such a loyal adherent of the President’s, which is why we’ve absitively to EXTEND your TRIPLE-MATCH action until 11:59 PM TONIGHT to advice us CRUSH our goal.

President Trump has no abstraction that we’re planning this abruptness for him, so please, DO NOT advanced this email to anyone.

Please accord ANY AMOUNT by 11:59 PM TONIGHT to advice us CRUSH our $10,000,000 ambition and your allowance will automatically be TRIPLE-MATCHED. >>

At 3:18 p.m., a Trump altogether active arrives, suggesting they’re not done yet:

Jamie,

TODAY is Admiral Trump’s Altogether and we noticed that you STILL haven’t active his OFFICIAL Altogether Card.

Remember, this is the President’s ONLY Official Altogether Card, and back you assurance your name you can alike leave him a claimed agenda to read.

This is your LAST CHANCE, Jamie.

We’re giving the agenda to Admiral Trump TONIGHT, so don’t absence your adventitious to PERSONALLY ambition him ‘Happy Birthday’ afore it’s too late.

Please assurance the President’s ONLY Official Altogether Agenda by 9:00 PM TONIGHT to accomplish abiding he sees YOUR NAME. >>

But it’s not my aftermost chance, afterwards all. June 14, 2020, 5:41 p.m.: Lara Trump writes afresh with the aforementioned message.

I don’t assurance the card. There follows the assured scolding:

But not all is lost.

June 15, 11:54 a.m.: TrumpStoreAmerica checks in with the agitative account that bygone was “a abundant coincidence,” actuality both Flag Day and Admiral Trump’s altogether and, asinine me, I forgot to ambition him a blessed birthday! Now’s my adventitious to apologize and abode an adjustment from the Trump Store. I’ll accept to pay for those Trump backyard signs to bang bottomward in advanced of my abode but because of the anniversary of this once-in-a-lifetime coinkydink they’re on sale.

Personally, I’m cerebration I’d adopt the action that came in bristles canicule earlier. “President Trump absolutely appreciates your abiding support, so he’s asked us to accord you PRIORITY ACCESS to get your Trump MAGA Dad Whiskey Glasses afore anyone else.”

What with Trump actuality an accepted teetotaler, his brother accepting died from affliction accompanying to alcoholism, MAGA Dad whiskey glasses seemed an odd best for Trump branding, but there’s absolutely been weirder ones, a blade is a blade and at $30 for two bargain glasses, someone’s authoritative one. Afresh again, I could use a drink. Possibly alike added than I can use a alone Trump-Pence Welcome Mat, abundance chargeless at aloof $75.

A afterwards action for affectionate face masks was discordant, accustomed the President’s abnegation to abrasion them.

As we’ve seen, the best way to acclamation Admiral Trump up is to accelerate him money. But in case you’re still activity reticent, the Admiral frequently draws aloft a bewitched ability to accumulate donations at will. Back Trump was benumbed college in the polls, he would cycle out the 200% match, with 3x and 4x matches added sparing, invoked for appropriate occasions only. But afresh it’s been 500% matches ambrosial abundant all the time. Aftermost ages a 600% bout bankrupt awning and aloof the added day there was a acting 700% match. Meaning, there’s never been a bigger time not to give, ever!

I’m putting all my assurance in you, Jamie.

Our End-of-Month Borderline is TOMORROW, and I set a MASSIVE ambition of adopting accession $25 million. This is our bigger ambition yet, so why haven’t you stepped up?

Not crushing our ambition is NOT an option. I absolutely charge you to contribute, which is why I’m activity to do article I’ve never done afore in the achievement that you’ll accompany me in authoritative history.

For the NEXT HOUR, all contributions fabricated to our analytical $25,000,000 End-of-Month Ambition be not 500, not 600, but 700%-MATCHED! …

I charge to apperceive that I can calculation on you appropriate now, Jamie.

The Trump Finance Aggregation is sending me a account of EVERY Patriot who contributes in the NEXT HOUR. Accomplish abiding I see your name.

Please accord ANY AMOUNT RIGHT NOW for a 700%-MATCH and to get on the account I see next.

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump

President of the United States

Strangely, somehow the 700% bout offers haven’t chock-full coming, forth with the 300, 400 and 500 and 600% ones. This morning at 12.35 am, The Donald said it was my aftermost adventitious to accord with a 600% analogous donation. But by 9.50 am, he was agreeable me to accord to access a new challenge to accommodated him in the Hamptons for dinner, with a 600% bout to accompany my tithe. Clearly, back you’re a MAGA fan, short-, medium- and abiding anamnesis accident is a big plus.

Not that it acceptable matters. As the non-partisan Center for Responsive Politics, which advised the analogous phenomena — active consistently by armamentarium adopting campaigns — has observed, “Limited-time analogous gives brainy supporters added allurement to accord to a attack they affliction about. But acknowledged experts say it is adamantine to see how donation analogous could appear accustomed attack accession limits. And there are no accountability mechanisms to actuate whether campaigns absolutely chase through with their promises.”

Given Trump’s all-encompassing clue almanac of not afterward through on promises to accord and the abreast complete abdication by the FEC of its blank responsibilities, there is no acumen to be suspicious, is there? Aforementioned with bifold entries to contests he promises but alone if you access now? Aback no one anytime seems to win, they’re aloof alert as abounding affairs not to win.

In account of acknowledging his vaunted bank to accumulate out Mexicans, affectionate Trump backers were asked to admire their abutment with a donation to advice body a bank anniversary donors like themselves who accurate the admiral and his wall.

Sept 16, 2019

America is GREAT again. Now it’s up to YOU to Accumulate America Great!

Since you’ve been such a abundant supporter, I appetite to action you article actual exclusive. (Don’t allotment this offer!)

I am dedicating a bank for a baddest accumulation of donors who accept to footfall up at this analytical time. Space is bound on the Official 2019 Trump Donor Wall, so be abiding to act fast!

This is the best time for you to accomplish your VERY FIRST accession to my campaign, and adhesive your name in political history.

Please accomplish your best accession afore 11:59 PM TONIGHT to be one of the FIRST donors to accept their name assuredly engraved on the Official 2019 Trump Donor Wall.

It was an ambrosial pitch, so I wrote with some not absurd enquiries about the Donor Wall. Back and area would it be erected?? Out of what actual ability it be constructed? Could I be there at the actualization and would I be acceptable abide appointment for the blow of my life? And, best importantly, I wondered, how ample were the belletrist in my name activity to be and in what font? I’m still cat-and-mouse for answers, yet they accumulate asking.

It’s the attenuate administrator in arch who asks the accessible to accomplish him feel bigger by giving him money, but that’s Donald Trump for you. Back it comes to hoovering up your money, he won’t booty no for an answer. And with his 2020 fund-raising underscores added than anytime why we charge about adjourned elections. Allurement is distasteful, allurement by declared billionaires whose fundraising pitches are counterfeit in about every detail — except for the actuality that you are absolutely giving money to him — alike added so.

All of us are needier, greedier, and added thin-skinned than we’d affliction to admit. But there’s a acumen we don’t accept it — it’s gross. Trump, in abiding attack mode, has no such compunction. All the desperation, aching and self-pity that is axial to his analytical persona and appeal, added acceptable lashings of his brand narcissism and boasting, are on affectation here. Amuse accomplish it stop.